C.I.N.T.A

I was in tears when I watched CINTA (and thank God went to watch with a bunch of girlfriends, if pegi with date, ayoo shy!) and even by listening to the soundtrack can make me cry buckets. Yesterday, sherie posted an entry on CINTA and that also made me shed few drops of tears AND I ask myself, why is that so? Was the movie THAT good?

After much thought, I have come to a conclusion that it’s not really the movie but it's the characters and the story that somehow relate to my own life.. I must admit that my life is blessed.. to a certain extent. However, it’s not entirely smooth sailing..

Boy and Girl Romance - I have gone through a fair share of bad break-ups, which have left me scarred bad. And for that reason, I have been guarding my heart and not let anybody in. I know for a fact that there is this one kindhearted guy who I know loves me very much, but I somehow cannot accept him. He’s told me before that he knows he cant have me, but he will still love me even if I’m with someone else – it’s so like that scene when Rita Rudaini was going through the drawings huh? - What is wrong with me? Why is life not perfect? Boy falls a girl, girl falls for the boy and they get married and live happily ever after? Do I really want to be alone for the rest of my life and be that horrid woman who lives with her cats?

Siblings – sigh.. that is another story which I shall not go into. I’m crying bucket now thinking about it. Will my brothers and sister still care for me even when mom and pop have passed on? Like Nanu cared for her lil brother? They all have their own family now, why would they bother with this annoying lil sister? Will we still see each other, have gatherings? I just "gaduh" with my brother in law and I'm soooooo upset now. “Air dicincang tak akan putus”? Hmm….

Grandad with Alzheimer – How will I take it if Papa is ill? His doctors have found cancer markings (or whachamacallit) in his blood, but tests after tests have been conducted. They still don’t know where the cancer is. Will I be strong? Or am I gonna break down and cry like now? Can I take care of him? I am soo not gonna send him off to a nursing home! God nooo!

Ergh! I neeeeeeeed tissue!!!! Where is the blardy tissue when I need one????